#TeamLittrell 20 Years Ago Tonight

Twenty years ago tonight, I went to my second Backstreet Boys concert. It was in San Diego. A full eight to nine-hour drive AWAY from where I lived at the time. This was back when I was in college and had time and friends and a job that would allow me to do these things. (Driving and/or flying to see the BSB now is WAY more complicated with kids and being a single mom!)

Anyway, some things happened at that show that I will NEVER forget!

1. Howie (ever the one to mess up on stage) wished us a Happy Thanksgiving AND a Happy Easter! We love you, Howie! Don't ever change!
2. Nick asked us if we wanted to get pinched. Hey, this was the Black and Blue tour. We weren't wearing green!
3. I had specifically purchased these tickets to be at a certain location in the arena. No, I could not afford the front row. But I didn't want the front row. After one show (in Sacramento), I knew where I wanted to be. I wanted to be in the back, off the mini-stage at about the first-row balcony.

This was my ticket stub:

Okay, so I wasn't the FIRST row of the balcony, but the third-row was close enough. I had a reason for this!

The reason is this:

In this video, Brian talks about waving to fans. HE DID THIS TO ME! Here are my thoughts on that night from 2001:

I bought myself a HEALTHY HEART CLUB tee-shirt before the show. When the BOYS came out to the mini-stage at the back of the arena, I happened to glance down and saw NICK's back! It was the shirt that gave him away! When the BOYS appeared on the mini-stage, everyone in our section stood up, including the girl in front of me. She decided to wave a sign at them! (How she got it in, I don't know!) So this meant that I couldn't see! So I had to stand on my toes! The people behind us were pissed, but hello, their daughter was screaming, and I do mean, screaming, right in my ear! Well, we were right at the BOYS' eye level, so HOWIE waved at us! Then KEVIN pointed to the sign and waved above it, at us, not the crazy girl in front of us. Now, I had put on my HEALTHY HEART CLUB tee-shirt over my other shirt and was the ONLY ONE in our section wearing white. BRIAN saw this and as we were waving at him, he waved back So I waved with both arms. BRIAN saw this and repeated the action! BRIAN PLAYED MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO WITH US!!!! Oh, now I can really die happy!

This was the beginning of my quest to MEET this man! It started 20 years ago and I have SLOWLY been inching my way closer to him! ONE day, I WILL get my hug!

Quarantined: Fangirling in the Middle of it All

*I wrote this for BSBFangirls.com, so this is a cross-post!*

Fangirling during quarantine, is it possible?

YES! Yes, it is!

I’ll admit that that last week of the South American tour was stressful for me as a fan. I saw Brian get quarantined with Swine flu 10 years ago. I was worried about all the love the South American fans pour out on the Boys. And when they postponed their last concert, I just wanted to know they were home.

But I knew it was all going to be okay. How? Because I’ve been through difficult times before.

Back in November of 2018, I lost everything in the Camp Fire in Northern California. I evacuated with my kids, my mom and our dogs and very little else. Through all that, the Backstreet Boys were my constant companion. Video playlists, CDs in my car. And on top of it, there was a tour! A tour I likely wasn’t going to see. I had to make sure everything was in place for my family before I could even worry about myself. I didn’t buy my ticket until April when Baylee, Brian’s son, announced he was opening for the Backstreet Boys. And even as I had my countdown to something I could look forward to, there was still a ton to take care of before then. Who would watch my kids? Would I get the time off work? Where am I going to stay?

And when I finally thought I had it all figured out, I was telling a co-worker about how Baylee had meet and greets available and the price was reasonable. He convinced me, the week before the show, to buy it, telling me that when would I get this chance again?

August 1, 2019, came. The day of my show. My anxiety was high. It was almost constant since the fire. I got lost on the way to my hotel. I got to the arena and found that almost everyone was there for the Backstreet Boys. I worried that I would get left out. But thankfully, they pulled us Baylee fans first. There were four of us. I worried that I would freak out meeting him. I’d been following him since he was a wee one. His dad was my favorite Boy. His mom was my favorite Wife. I paced waiting outside his dressing room. And when we were led inside to his “lounge” something strange happened. An eerie calm fell over me. Even when he surprised us from behind me, I didn’t jump. It was the most calm I had felt since before the fire.

And even now, when my anxiety rears its ugly head, I only have to put on his song “If You Won’t” and I calm down. So you can bet he’s been on quite a bit since I started worrying about this virus, COVID-19. See, I’ve got a lot to worry about. My mom and daughter are in the high-risk category. I’ve been in quarantine since the 16th of March. And even that weekend before we were starting to take precautions.

So, being stuck at home, how do I fangirl? Easy! Follow them on social media! They are all posting right now. And they’re sending us text messages asking of us to sing their songs! They miss us as much as we miss them. The fact that they haven’t canceled the rest of their tour dates when other artists have, proves that! I also surround myself with other fans who understand. I do that through Facebook Groups and blogs (like this one!). When the news gets to be too much and fills up my timeline, I click into my Backstreet Boys groups and look at pics, read stories, and play games with other fans.

The other fangirl thing I do is write fanfic. Assuming my brain isn’t consumed with worry, or I’m not helping my kids with schoolwork, I’m off in fantasyland with my Boys. Believe me, the distraction of being in a fantasy helps right now. Sure, some of it may not be good fic, but at least my brain isn’t stuck on what’s happening outside my window.

Oh, and when Baylee does a Live Q & A, be there with bells on! It was like THE thing I was looking forward to ALL week! I’ve rewatched it a couple of times now! I was so giddy over his Live (and the possibility of him doing a “Live concert”) that I accidentally responded to a serious work email a little too excitedly. Yeah, I got a “Stay Home” order from work right at the end of Baylee’s Live broadcast and I responded with exclamation points! Oops! Sorry boss!

So yes, you may be stuck in your house for any number of reasons right now, but you can still fangirl over the Boys. Believe me, the little things, like Nick’s live breakfasts, AJ finally posting again, Kevin building a snowman, Howie growing his scruff out, and Brian and Baylee wandering around in full animal costumes, are all amazing reminders of how much they love us and how much we love them.

Quarantined: Sleepy Pants from the Living Room

I've been in quarantine/shelter in place/stay at home/lockdown mode for two weeks now. The kids have been out of school just as long. To say that I'm bored is an understatement. Yeah, I am working from home and it's a little crazy! But still! Working from home is HARD when I've got two kids. I think I've had more Zoom meetings this past week than I have in the past two months! And my bandwidth is kinda sucky when it comes to it. But I'm making it work!

So how have I managed to keep myself occupied other than work? By fangirling!

Yeah, I still fangirl like crazy! And tonight my Facebook timeline is FULL of Backstreet Boys!!! Yes! They were part of the "Living Room Concert" tonight put on by iHeart Radio. They did AMAZING! And let me just say, my favorite parts: Kevin's boys jamming with him and Brian's quarantine outfit!

Yeah, lemme just say this Brian TOTALLY is understanding how we roll during this quarantine!

I mean, come on. Can you get more, "Why dress up if I'm at home?" than sleepy pants and a tee-shirt? He seriously looks like "I either just got up or am going to bed, I don't know which yet." And this is one of the reasons I love him. He's just REAL.

Okay, I may actually still get dressed every day. I kinda have to. See, living with mental illness means that this could be really bad for me if I don't do this right. So, yes, I do get dressed every day. But to be honest, what I wear every day is pretty close to what Brian or Kevin is wearing anyway.

And I LOVED that they did "I Want it That Way." It was just perfect. They are so amazing!

This was seriously the highlight of my week. I'm so glad they did it. And honestly, if the Littrells want to keep showing off their house, I'll be happy! Now to start week three of quarantine!

Memory Trigger Train

Yes, I know it's Monday. Consider this a special edition!

So last night, I was scrolling Facebook and Brian Littrell shared a video someone had of him doing "You Alone." (His Instagram and Facebook are linked, so I didn't get to actually listen until I saw his Instagram a few minutes later.) This gave me all the feels.

I used to have all his solo stuff. I had it all digitally and most of the physical albums they were on. This post of his made me cry. Because I remembered literally the day before the fire picking up his Welcome Home album, holding it in my hand, and then putting it back on the nightstand. I was debating putting it in my car. I opted not to. Oh, how I should have! The next day, it was gone! I have been trying and trying to find this album, new in package for months now. It's not in my price point. I don't want to drop mad cash for someone's used. I want it new. Amazon is just not my friend right now. Neither is eBay.

Anyway, this morning, I see a second post from him where he seems to be indicating someone was post-jacking or making his post more than what it was. It was simply him saying he got what he needed at that moment from his own song. Yeah, got that. Well, that brought back another memory. Yet another one that makes me cry.

This is back in 2007. I saw Brian solo when he was the main act with ONE album out. Yeah, record execs are funny like that, but I didn't care. I also got to see Brandon Heath. The show seriously wasn't that long. But no one cared. I was in the THIRD ROW! He was literally close enough for me to throw something at. (I didn't.) It was so moving that night. There's one moment that sticks in my mind. He sang a cover. (Yeah, rare, I know.) But more so than that, was the fact that he was overcome during that song. So much so he couldn't get the words out. Now if you've been following this man as long as I have, you know that just DOES NOT HAPPEN. Even in 2013 when he was struggling with his voice, he still got the words out, even if it wasn't the way he wanted. This was a moment. One of those moments that happen because there's a tug at your heart. So what was the song: Tim McGraw's "Don't Take the Girl." Go Google the lyrics if you don't know the song and I think you can figure out the moment he lost it.

I can't listen to that song now. Not because of that. But because I BECAME that moment that Brian lost it in that song, almost six years ago. Six years ago on Thursday, my daughter was born at 28 weeks. Six years ago on Thursday, I had lost half my blood volume. Six years ago on Thursday, had we waited another ten minutes, we both probably wouldn't be here.

So why this memory trigger train? I don't know. All I know is that God obviously knew I needed that. And He KNEW, as he always has.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-- Jeremiah 29:11

WriYe Blog Circle: Editing

Theme: Editing

It's March. That means in the writing circles I run, it's usually NaNoEdMo or Editing Month! For me, it usually doesn't mean anything. Except for this year, I guess.

Describe your editing process. What is your biggest challenge in editing?

My editing process doesn't usually exist. I don't edit. I don't ever really intend to publish, so what's the point? For the most part, I'm a pretty good speller and spell check does reasonably well. The biggest thing I have been doing lately is revising. I've either been digging up old ideas and either completely redoing them or pulling the "good stuff" out and filling in the rest.

But, there is one thing I have been doing just this past week. I found a story I really wanted to work on. It is a BSB/CSI crossover I did back oh something like eight or nine years ago. I found it in my email as a verification file. The only problem was that I had scrambled it. Thankfully it was a very simple letter-to-letter code to crack. I took things like the letter "e" and turned them into "x" and the letter "t" and turned them into "z" and such. There was only one problem with unscrambling it: sometimes there really was a letter x or z or whatever other letters I used that needed to be there. So it made things a little strange. On top of that, when I spell checked the whole thing, it missed some words. Thankfully where I stopped decoding and decided to call it a day, I am pretty much able to figure out what was being said. Also on the first page, I have like three huge holes of where I have partial scenes written. Like they were literally just pieces. So what I decided to do was print out all 14 pages and just go line by line. I'm about 2 pages in, so that's not bad for the first day! And I've still got some time to figure out the timeline, the outline and more. I've actually got to refigure who the killer is and the whole plot as I basically just have the first act figured out for ONE of the stories. Usually, these CSI things have two or three stories running through them.

So that is basically my editing/revision process. It usually doesn't exist, except when it has to. This BSB/CSI crossover I am hoping to use for CampNaNo in April.

Fans

So this FanGirl Friday is about the latest video that the Backstreet Boys dropped. They are doing these minute long videos. They've done each of the guys and this week, they did one about the fans.

At about :38, Brian starts talking. He mentions how when a fan waves a certain way, he does it back so that they know he sees them. I about cried when I heard that. He did that to me on the Black and Blue tour. In fact, it'll be 18 years ago this weekend. I saw that tour three times. For the third night, I knew exactly where I wanted my seats to be: the first-row balcony. I managed to secure I think third-row balcony. During the three songs they did on the mini-stage at the back, literally right in front of me it seemed, I got tired of what I was doing and started applauding in sign language. And low and behold, Brian did it back! It was the best moment of my life, up to that point. It's about as close as I've gotten to meet him. I've seen him up close: the third row at a solo show. I've seen him on the floor of the casino. But him "seeing" me was incredible. It's something I'll never forget.

March Goals

So I figured I should probably do a goals post for this blog. I'm not entirely sure all that I'm going to put on it, but okay, here goes nothing:

1. Finish watching "The X-Files" Season 10. This HAS to get done this month, or else I have to wait until it is released on DVD. It actually has to get done before my daughter's birthday. That's when all the episodes disappear from OnDemand.

Currently: 2/6 watched

2. Read. I'm currently reading Deck Z. I've been reading it for a while. I just need to actually finish it! Plus it's a library book, so it will eventually need to be returned to the library. I HATE that I have to "abandon" books because they are due, but sometimes that happens.

3. Post here a little more regularly. Yeah, I haven't posted a whole lot in February, okay, once. I really want to change that. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to post about at this moment, but finishing season 10 would help, that's for sure!

4. Keep up with my Bullet Journal. Yes, I have started Bullet Journaling. I actually like it! It allows me to keep everything all in one place! I hope to post about it soon!

5. Reread and prep for Camp! I signed up to do CampNaNoWriMo for April. I have no idea why. Maybe because I REALLY would like to finish SOMETHING! I'm going to be working on my NaNo from 2014 and hopefully finishing it.

That's about it for here, I think.

Revision: The Necessary Evil

This being March, it's commonly known around the writing universe as "EdMo." It's the month when all those word-vomit NaNo Novels get edited into something resembling an actual, well-written piece of work. I don't usually participate in EdMo, because I don't usually edit. I saw usually and that isn't entirely the case. I do edit. I edit as I write. As for revising, well, I do that too, sometimes. So here's the prompt for this month:

Easy Question: Why is it necessary?
Okay, some people will say it's because you want to be published. Well, I don't want to be published! So why is it necessary? Because I write crap! Well, it isn't ALL crap, but it can sure feel like it sometimes! I know there are plot holes and inconsistencies and that's why I have to go back and fix them, otherwise they drive me insane!

Hard Question: Do you enjoy it?
It depends. Sometimes I do, especially after it's been a while and I go back and look at a story and go "WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!?!" I also like it when I'm looking at something I haven't looked at in YEARS! Then it's an eye opening experience to me of where I was when I wrote that! My favorite feature though is the "strike through." I love being able to "keep" my word count but get rid of things!

My novel "selfie" in mid-revision:

I use different colors for each verification period, so sometimes a novel can look like a crayon factory exploded all over my novel. But as I said above, I love the "strike" feature!